“They’re Just Being Stubborn” – Or Are They?
After nearly 30 years of doing this work—readings, candle spells, relationship consultations—I’ve noticed a phrase that pops up more often than it should:
“They’re just being stubborn.”
It usually shows up when someone is trying to win a lover back, or when they’re waiting for someone who’s pulled away, hoping that if they just push a little harder, do the right spell, or say the right words, the person will finally give in and come back around.
But here’s the hard truth:
Nine times out of ten, when someone says “they’re being stubborn,” what’s really going on is you are the one being stubborn. You don’t want to accept that the other person may not want to be with you. It’s not a matter of pride or punishment or a power struggle—it’s just… no.
I’ve heard it for years, and I get why it happens. The heart wants what it wants. It’s easier to believe they’re just being difficult than to face the finality of a closed door. But when you say they’re being stubborn, what you’re often doing is holding space for a fantasy—one where they’re secretly still invested, still emotionally tangled, still halfway yours. That belief gives you permission to keep holding on.
But here’s what holding on really does: it binds you.
It ties your energy to someone who’s already walked away. It keeps you rooted in limbo, circling the same questions, delaying your healing and blocking new blessings from entering.
And I’m not saying that reconciliation is never possible. Sometimes it is. Sometimes people do come back. But not because you dug your heels in harder than they did. Not because you refused to take no for an answer.
Real magic works with truth, not denial.
So if you find yourself repeating that old line—“they’re just being stubborn”—pause for a moment. Ask yourself:
Is that really what’s happening?
Or am I the one refusing to move forward?
Stubbornness, when misplaced, can become a cage. If that phrase is coming up, it might be worth sitting with that truth for a minute. Not as judgment—just as honesty. Because magic works best when it’s rooted in what is, not what we wish it was.
Sometimes letting go is the most powerful spell you can do. And in that open space, love that actually wants you back can finally find its way through.